Parenting Series | Part VI: Sexual Education from an Islamic Perspective

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | | Part V (b) | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX

It is never easy to talk to the children about sex or sex related issues. In fact, even more difficult is to decide at which age we should educate them about these issues though we must realize that Sex Ed is more than just explaining intercourse to the children, and it may not be as difficult to get to the real topic if we keep taking care of the smaller issues related to it from an early age.

Raising children with Islamic values entails frequent religious discussions at home, including Qur’an and hadeeth studies. I said earlier that it doesn’t have to be at a “scholarly” level, rather, it involves simple studies of the meanings of Qur’anic verses, reading ahadeethbooks, discussing Islamic articles or listening to online lectures, etc.

Prophet (sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

Whosoever gives me a guarantee to safeguard what is between his jaws and what is between his legs, I shall guarantee him Jannah.” (Bukhari)

As eager parents for the betterment of our children’s akhirah, we keenly train them in safeguarding what is between their jaws from a very early age, like ensuring that they know the harms of lying, backbiting, hurting others’ feelings with their tongue, and not using offensive words, but we  ignore the same emphasis on safeguarding what is between their legs. We think that shutting down conversation about private parts is sufficient to teach them how to safeguard it. We must acknowledge that the issue of safeguarding private parts is repeatedly mentioned throughout Islamic texts:

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وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ لِفُرُوجِهِمْ حَافِظُونَ

“And those who protect their private parts” (Mu’minoon: 5)

وَالْحَافِظِينَ فُرُوجَهُمْ وَالْحَافِظَاتِ وَالذَّاكِرِينَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا وَالذَّاكِرَاتِ أَعَدَّ اللَّهُ لَهُمْ مَغْفِرَةً وَأَجْرًا عَظِيمًا

“…and the men who guard their private parts and the women who guard…Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a mighty reward.” (Ahzab: 35)

When children go through these ayahs or ahadeeth, they ask questions and we must be ready to, age-appropriately, answer their questions.

Educating children about their body parts:

Private Zone: From a younger age, around 2-5, children should be taught about their private parts and the necessity of keeping them covered and protected from others. As mentioned before, it is very important to educate them about molestation. Young children need frequent reminders. It may be a good idea to talk to them every now and then about how their private parts are off limits for anyone else and if anyone ever tries to touch them, then they must immediately tell their parent/s.

One of the common misconceptions is to believe that educating or emphasizing the importance of safeguarding private parts will put “ideas” in a child’s mind. A number of parents follow the “don’t ask, don’t tell” methodology. This is not only wrong but is equally harmful. We talk to our children about the perils of talking to strangers or crossing the road, etc. because we realize the dangers of keeping children ignorant about their safety, hence we prepare them ahead of time. Similarly, if this subject is left unexplained, we leave the doors of danger open for our children.

Curiosity: Sometimes children become curious about others’ body parts. If they are not explicitly taught what is expected of them, and especially why, then they cannot be blamed for “experimenting” with their own, their sibling’s, or their friend’s private areas.

Spiritual Hygiene: As we teach them the physical hygiene of their private parts, we must concentrate on the spiritual hygiene also: Tell the children that Allah loves those who protect their private parts, and doing the opposite is pleasing to shaytaan. This can be explained in an age appropriate way. As they grow older, the deeper meaning of the ayahcan be told.

When the discussion about the body parts is kept open from the beginning, it only makes it easier to take it to the next step. As the children grow above 5 years of age, parents should determine according to each child’s level of maturity and circumstances in educating them about more complicated issues. Nevertheless, IF a child asks a question, it must be answered truthfully.

Let us discuss a few commonly asked questions:

  1. What is the difference between a girl and a boy?
  2. Where do babies come from?
  3. Why can’t mommy pray?
  4. How does the baby get in mommy’s tummy?
  5. What is Sex? (a number of questions go under this category) Why do people want to have GF/BF? What is adultery (zina)? Why do people commit adultery? And so on.

Parents, always keep in mind:

  • Tell the truth: Remember babies don’t come from the stork.
  • Keep a smile on your face, but don’t joke around.
  • Make an eye contact; appear confident even if your heart is beating 200 beats/min.
  • Only answer the question; don’t voluntarily offer too much information.
  • Appreciate them for approaching you and not asking anyone else.

I’m going to suggest a few answers for each question. Let’s discuss them in order:

1. What is the difference between a girl and a boy?

Explain the difference between a girl and a boy including the difference between the private parts using whatever names a child may have for their private parts. It is a good time to shortly and age-appropriately drop a line or two about how their bodies are different and that’s why Allah has made them responsible for different tasks in life. They can also be told about how emotionally they are different too, but this explanation may not sink in until after 8-10 years of age. It will help them understand the different roles and responsibilities Allah has assigned to different genders.

2. Where do babies come from?

Draw a small diagram to show a child where babies stay in mother’s womb and how Allah‘azza wa jall has given the mother’s body the capability to pass out the baby through the private parts. They will be surprised and let them be. Explain to them that this is the system Allah has made. Most likely they will ask, “Does it hurt?” Be honest and say, “Yes it does, and that is one of the reasons why Allah has made mothers so special and has ordered children to listen to their mothers and fathers.”

Seize the opportunity to teach them what Allah has asked them as children:

وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ إِحْسَانًا ۖ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ كُرْهًا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًا ۖ وَحَمْلُهُ وَفِصَالُهُ ثَلَاثُونَ شَهْرًا ۚ حَتَّىٰ إِذَا بَلَغَ أَشُدَّهُ وَبَلَغَ أَرْبَعِينَ سَنَةً قَالَ رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِي أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ الَّتِي أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيَّ وَعَلَىٰ وَالِدَيَّ وَأَنْ أَعْمَلَ صَالِحًا تَرْضَاهُ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي فِي ذُرِّيَّتِي ۖ إِنِّي تُبْتُ إِلَيْكَ وَإِنِّي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِي

It is also a good time to encourage them to memorize the du’a. This way, not only have you answered them truthfully, but you also showed them that discussing these issues, in a respectful manner, is not a taboo in Islam as Allah Himself has acknowledged a mother’s difficulty of child bearing.

I remember my son once said, “I am so glad my wife will get pregnant and not I!” I told him to appreciate his wife for going through the difficulty. It is also a good way to start training our young sons to be responsible and kind husbands from an early age.

3. Why can’t mommy pray?

After a certain age, blood passes through woman’s private areas and she cannot pray or fast during that time. Next, explain briefly and in simple terms the biological reason of periods. Make sure you don’t overlap into the topic of reproduction.

If your child asks why you (or someone else) is not praying, please do not give false or tricky answers like, ‘I’ve already prayed’ or ‘I don’t have wudu’, etc.  We have discussed this before that false information is a lie.

When my daughter was around 6, I told her that something happens in a woman’s body and she cannot pray during that time. I explained to her that this is what Allah has said in the Qur’an, and when she is older I would explain to her fully but if she becomes very curious and wants to know then she should ask me. She agreed. Later, once she started readingBulugh-ul-Maram, around 8 years, I explained it to her. I also advised her not to educate her younger sibling about it and that she should keep the discussions/questions between us. However, if she was going to a public school, I would have told her earlier.

Also, this was 8 years ago. Unfortunately, the way our society is progressing, I would not take the same approach with my younger one. Hence I advise if your daughter is around 5 or 6, then educate her about menstruation depending on her level of maturity.

Training our sons to be better caretakers of their womenfolk:

Similarly, explain menstruation to your sons as well. Also, take this opportunity to explain to them the hormonal changes and emotional difficulties that a female goes through at this time. Encourage them to be patient with their mothers and sisters and remind them to be understanding towards their womenfolk’s mood swings. Again, it is a good way to train our sons to be good future husband and care takers of their womenfolk.

Insha’Allah we will continue next week.

65 / View Comments

65 responses to “Parenting Series | Part VI: Sexual Education from an Islamic Perspective”

  1. Christine says:

    Wow, thanks for this!
    I don’t have any children (only 17!) and am not Muslim, but I come from a very religious and traditional background, and to me this sounds like a very reasonable, intelligent and clever way to deal with such an issue.
    There is a nice balance between saying nothing and risking children to find things out from their friends or doing things they shouldn’t without knowing it, and revealing way too much to children who are not ready to find such things out.
    This way the necessary information is conveyed, and children will be able to pick up the right social and moral attitudes about this matter.
    Great piece!

    Reply
    • Umm Reem says:

      Thankyou Christine. I am glad you liked this article.

      It is true that we cannot shield children form the society they live and their friends, I believe that as long as the primary education and training is offered by the parents and the communication and relationship is strong enough for children to keep turning back to their parents, it will be easier for them to face many challenges in the real world!

      Reply
    • Ali says:

      Indeed sadly kids, nowadays are learning from pornography to deal with this issue which is completely fake and a evil lie. WAKE UP parents, pornography leads to other avenues, even to zina and much worst corrupting the soul . Wake up parents and teach from a young age. Children are naturally curious and the internet is filled with mixed information and do you want your kids watching porn on their computer at the age of 10 or even below!? WAKE UP NOW!

      Reply
    • mahpara says:

      I am a teacher in Aps boys .i cant see my students indulged in wicked things .I want to teach them about difference in men and women and how to respect the women as well as how to save from the bad impression of media and net about wicked relations .I got useful way to guide them .

      Reply
  2. WM says:

    Salamu `alaykum,

    Just to let you know, there is a response to your previous article floating around online:

    http://www.altmuslimah.com/a/b/rsa/4302/

    Regards.

    Reply
    • Amad says:

      There’s already a discussion ongoing on Part Vb

      Note, a response to this response is already in, awaiting editorial review.

      Reply
  3. AnonyMousey says:

    Kitaab at-Tahaarah, people… best way to educate your kids about, well, everything they need to know on this subject, pretty much.

    Reply
  4. Coorled38 says:

    I wonder about question number one…point out how emotionally they are different? Seriously? Is this in reference to the “fact” that girls are taught they are emotional creatures unable to think clearly while boys are taught they should just suck it up and man up? If you are teaching this “fact” to your child at this young age it’s no wonder this horrible stereotype still exists.

    I might also add…while teaching your sons to “be patient” with menustrating women’s mood swings…do not teach them that these mood swings result in menustrating women being emotional, scatter brained, and deficient in their religion merely because they bleed once a month. That particular stereotype AND hadith need to go by way of the dinosaur.

    Reply
    • Umm Reem says:

      Coolred,

      women are emotionally and physically different from men, it is also proven biologically!

      If boys are given proper tarbiyyah about their role as boys/men (and not left to learn from the “cultural” practices) and taught properly about how females are different (though the reward of good deeds for male and female is equivalent)
      then I”m sure inshaAllah the “stereotyping” will not exist, rather, they will grow up to be kind, loving and respectful men towards their womenfolk, bi idhnihi t a’ala

      Reply
      • Coorled38 says:

        I agree Umm Reem with everything you said…but the most important word you used in your comment is “if”…a 2 letter word that has such huge connotations and consequences. I raised my boys inside my home to respect and care for females (starting with their own sisters etc and including those they might meet) but then they would leave the house and encounter their culture, in the street, in the mosque, in the schools, that teach them this respect is not needed because males are in charge and females are just there as and when needed by males.

        “If” can only work if there is a concerted effort to make it work….but for the most part…that “if” is ignored while culture and stereotypes prevail.

        Reply
  5. Haleh says:

    Jazakillah khair for putting so much time and effort in doing this 7 part series on such a critical topic.
    It takes a brave and committed sister masha’Allah to tackle such a challenging subject. I hope that everyone becomes more comfortable about addressing these issues with their children. They truly need our guidance and support.

    Thanks again for your beneficial contribution. BarakAllaho fiki.

    Haleh

    Reply
    • Umm Reem says:

      jazakAllah khiar haleh for your kind words! :)

      Reply
  6. Bintulislam says:

    Assalamu Alaikum!

    I’ve always found this topic a bit treacherous.I am single(21) and definitely have no kids But I do have younger siblings and my mother actually brought us up following the “don’t ask;don’t tell”methodology.It worked for us.But as I see the world and the hazards to which we might subject our youngers to by keeping them in the dark is horrifying.I’d rather talk to my kids about all of that.But again I don’t see why we should actually elaborate the whole story of pregnancy to kids esp. to kids of very young age(I don’t think they need to know that) and also the menses discussion to be held with boys and girls alike.Does sound a bit odd.

    Anyways.It was a good and informative read.:)

    JazakAllah Kheirun!

    -peace

    Reply
    • Umm Reem says:

      BintulIslam,

      So what do you suggest should be said when children ask, “where do babies come from” or when they see their mother pregnant with their siblings and ask questions about it? :)

      Or what should be told to sons when they ask why their mother is not praying? OR when they read Qur’an with meanings and go through the verses of menstruation?

      Reply
      • Bintulislam says:

        Hmmm….I think we could tell them that they are not praying because they aren’t ‘paak’ (pure) to offer prayers at that time[and I think even the verses use the same vocabulary not the whole endometrium shedding its spongy layer theory every month so that an egg which was released by the ovaries didn’t get fertilized (Kid:what is fertilization?)its the fusion of male sperms and female ova(Kid:how does male eggs get in there?)O_O,now do you really wanna answer that.:).And about the babies,we could say that mothers are the one who bring the babies in this world(keep it simple),we could go in elaboration suitable to that child’s age and understanding and wisely.Avoiding giving them un-needed info(And lying too).Ignoring which might ‘put ideas’ in their mind(like said above)…and is liable to pollute them–and that happens.You see,I remember reading this in an article about ‘Haya’ (it was a long a time ago)and that article described how the sexual desires can be triggered by just ‘the ideas’ in even a human kid(who has not even reached puberty)unlike animals who reach a particular age to have such desires-now you might think I am painting it with a wide brush but there is a possibility.

        I would also like to share that I have SO many aunties,even now 2 of them just had boys mashaaAllah and one is still gestating–I have never even heard the children going into demanding that much detail or even realize that their mom’s pregnant-their general perception is that ”the mommy’s gotten fat” whether you tell them this or not.That innocence is what I would like to preserve. :)

        http://www.abezsez.com/2011/05/nine-months-pregnant-again-alhamdulillah/

        Reply
        • Umm Reem says:

          BintulIslam,
          we had this discussion earlier in the series whether educating children about menstruation or reproduction in a pure vulgar-free way will take away from their “innocence”? I don’t think so. Neither, it goes against the definition of haya (read the first few parts of the series)

          I do not believe that telling the children “mother is not pure” is the correct answer. Because, if the mother is not pure then she can find a way to get pure and pray (as there is no excuse not to pray- we teach this to our children from a young age).
          Some children might as, what is ‘being pure’ mean!

          It is a fact of life, when it is told in a matter-of-fact way, children do not get “ideas”, instead they perceive it in a normal way and move on. It is only when we try to make something “suspicious” then they become curious about it.

          And just because you don’t know doesn’t mean your nephews have not asked. :) Most parents have experienced otherwise. And besides, the link you post is from a sister living in Duabi, not in US.

          Reply
          • bintulislam says:

            I will definitely go through the previous parts of this series.InshaaAllah:)Till then I stick to my take on haya.:D

            If this post was exclusively for Muslims living in America or other non-Muslim countries then I cannot comment.See I live in Pakistan.:)It would be definitely better for kids to learn about this stuff from their parents than other sources.Which could prove themselves lethal.

            But in case of Muslim countries I guess you could go for what I said earlier.:)

          • umm_ismael says:

            Aoa, I live in Pakistan and though am 32 and a mother of 2, i still wish that we would not adopt the stay in the dark policy in our country. Globalization has effected every sphere and children are exposed to so much more than at my age. Its good to be natural as ALLAH has created things. When i was expecting and my older one jumped on my stomach, i candidly told him that ALLAH had put a baby in my stomach. And thats how I talk to him now. I said ALLAH only sends the babies that are with Him, once they have a mama and a baba and they become husband and wife.(why?) because they have to take care of the child together. etc etc etc There are ways to tell a child and that is much better than lies- I applaud you for this series – May ALLAH Reward you manifold. ameen

      • Umme Zaid says:

        I think the main goal is to maintain haya and innocence as long as we can. For example when young kids ask why cant mom pray we can tell them the ayah and hadith that describe it and say that there are days when women can’t pray and that you would explain to them when they are older.
        As far as babies in stomach we can also take the same approach. Allah makes the baby in the stomach and when it is time mom will go to the hospital and baby will come out. Does the doctor have to cut the stomach. Yes sometimes:) We can always say we can explain more once you are older.
        I strongly believe that teaching the kids understanding of the quran and studying ahadeeth from an early age will give them a lot of knowledge without explicitly telling them.
        Being a pediatrician myself I strongly believe that the schools go overboard in teaching kids sensitive topics and details too early leading to unnecessary and sometimes dangerous experimenting. These topics should be taught only by a parent and never in a group setting but rather one on one to maintain the haya so they know that we don’t talk about these topics freely with one another.

        Reply
    • Apricot says:

      As-salamu Alaykum,
      Well, as you stated, you do not have children. Just wait until you do, insha’Allah, and they start asking very pointed questions that you cannot possibly escape from. :) Note that this depends entirely on the personality of the child. I grew up as a non-Muslim in the U.S. and never asked my parents anything about this topic and felt very uncomfortable when my mother spoke to me about menstruation. My daughter is also like this and does not like me to broach the topic at all. My sons, on the other hand, ask a lot of very specific questions. They have all been raised in a Muslim country, so that has not stopped them from being curious (despite the fact that they are all very shy). To a point, I agree with not offering too much extra information, but kids have a way of extracting the information they want, and you will have to eventually make a choice: be honest, lie, or brush them off.

      Reply
      • Umm Reem says:

        Bintusislam,

        My article was not exclusively for Musims in west. Muslims in Muslim countries also need to read and breakaway from “hush-hush” mentality. The communication is especially needed there because this topic is still a taboo in East and children/pre/teen learn all this, maybe not as early as in the west, but they do but it is all done discreetly.
        I don’t know if parents really believe that their children don’t know or do they chose to turn a blind eye.

        As for haya, I think it is misplaced in pakistan. When it comes to educating the matters of religion, then haya cannot be an excuse, though it must be discussed modestly but what needs to be told, must be discussed.

        Reply
  7. Saira Andleeb says:

    I agree with BintulIslam.
    Instead of telling children every intricate detail why cant we tell them only what they can comprehend and digest. Like why not just tell them this much that the baby comes inside of the mom’s tummy and the doctors bring it out. Why the whole diagram thingy? Telling the truth doesnt mean telling every intricate detail… especially to a child of a very young age.

    Reply
    • Olivia says:

      Except that the doctors don’t bring it out, the woman does =)

      When I explained this to my girl, I didn’t use a diagram, but I didn’t make any bones about the fact that it does come out of the private part. She doesn’t understand exactly how that happens, but she knows that’s the exit. That’s what most kids want to know–how does it get out of the stomach? Saying the doctors bring it out doesn’t really tell them, because the next question is, “The doctors bring it out of where?” (additionally, the hippy in me doesn’t like the credit being given to the docs =) )

      When we were in Indiana we saw a cow have a baby. It was rather educational. You could tell the cow was uncomfortable, but it dealt with it. I think touching on this subject also helps to eliminate fears of childbirth.

      Reply
      • Umm Reem says:

        agreed :)

        Diagrams can be shown/made for older children. I am giving suggestions to parents to get the discussion going.

        Reply
    • Umm Reem says:

      Saira,
      And what will you tell children when they ask, ‘and how does the doctor take it out, does he cut your tummy?’

      I agree, telling the truth doesn’t mean telling every intricate detail, but this is a sensitive subject. Yes, I agree that the information should be age and circumstances sensitive (i.e public/islamic schools vs. homeschooling) but this is also a matter where children have “blind” trust over their parents. So if at any point, they find out information which does’t completely coincide with the information given by the parent, then it runs into issues of trust. Parents have to be very careful.

      And lastly, we are living in a hyper sexualized time and society so we have to take a suitable approach. We are no longer in a time where the details could be spared until later.

      Reply
  8. Saba says:

    MashaAllah great sereis. Love the “don’t tell them children came from a stork”…LOL
    I was told they came from Allah via the angels…that sufficed for a little while…=)
    Jazkallahu khayir this series is really helpful for us

    Reply
  9. Coorled38 says:

    And while you are explaining to your children about a Muslim woman’s menses and why she “cant” pray while on it…do you also explain that due to this biological act of her body that she is declared deficient in religion and considered an emotionally challenged child that cannot make coherent choices for a week out of the month?

    Somebody commented higher up that “there is no excuse for not praying”…and yet…here we have one. God tells us that the whole purpose of our creation is to worship him…to pray. The prophet had to haggle 50 prayers a day down to 5 because apparently he realized better than god that humans simply couldnt pray that much and still have some sort of life…but it’s very telling as to how important prayer is to god. In the quran god gives no excuses for NOT praying…merely gives reasons they might be delayed…but then made up as soon as possible….ex sleep, sick, travelling. Muslims are told to pray even if their finger is the ONLY thing that can move to show the physical act of prayer. All of those instances are excuses for delaying prayer…but not for missing it completely. The prayers must be made up ASAP…or in the case of travelling, shortened. But pray you must.

    Prayer is the only thing that stands between Muslims and god on judgement day. They alleviate some of the sins you have done.

    Muslims claim that the menses is a “pollution” or a “sickness” …and yet..being sick does NOT preclude one from prayer. It must still be done to the best of ones ability. Describing the menses as a pollution is just horrible. Biological functions are just that…biological in nature…they are a necessity for the body to function properly. To consider for a moment that god has feelings of abhorrence or disgust towards a biological function of the body he created to do just that is demeaning to god in my opinion. Bringing him down to the level of humanity that find such things cringe worthy or dirty. God says “pray to me”. Period. (pun intended) To claim that god does not accept the prayer of a muslim woman that has blood between her thighs…even though he has established prayer as the ONE thing muslims must do to stay on the straight path…to alleviate sins…to keep in rememberence of him throughout the day…to wake up from warm beds…to stop whatever one is doing throughout the day…prayer is essential to muslims….but then muslims turn around and say…even though we have all of these words from god telling us how important prayer is…how we are meant to do it no matter what…how leaving prayer is like leaving the religion…one simple ayat in the quran is taken up and held as a banner as to why women are dirty, polluted, and deficient in religion and cannot pray for one week of the month for the whole of her life once puberty is reached. One ayat…that doesnt even state she cannot pray…it merely says dont have sex with her as it could harm her (possibly assuming that if she doesnt feel harm..then its ok?)

    Since there is no stated punishment for prayer while on your menses (after all…who would know you are except for god anyhow) then I would go ahead and pray. If god doesnt accept it…you havent lost anything…but if muslim clerics have pulled a big one over the eyes of muslims…convincing them that women cannot pray while on her menses simply because she is a walking pollution…in an effort to reduce her to a deficient emotionally incapable child for much of her life…I would be outraged and take matters into my own hands and pray anyways. It is completely up to god to accept or reject your prayers in the end…nothing to do with what or how muslims feel about it.

    Reply
    • Apricot says:

      Coorled, Are you a Muslim? Are you a woman? It is hard to respond to your post without understanding your background.

      A Muslim woman can still make supplications to God while menstruating but not take part in ritual prayer.

      It is a huge blessing not to have to make ritual prayers during that week of the month as one is usually very tired and needs the rest.

      Reply
      • Coorled38 says:

        Apricot….what does my religious status or gender have to do with what I have written? The prophet said…judge the message…not the messenger.

        As for it being a huge blessing not to make ritual prayers for that week…once again you are likening the menses to a sickness…in which case…even the sick have no excuse for not praying..merely delaying for a period…or reducing the actual motions to something more comfortable.(even just moving your lips)..but there is no excuse for actually stopping prayers while sick unless in a coma or something.

        Anyone can make supplications to god at anytime anywhere…but they are not prayer…they are basically mini messages…or text messages to be down with the slang. Prayers are a must and there is no excuse for a muslim to miss them. Period.

        I also find it interesting that muslim women cannot fast for ramadan either…yet missed fasting days are to be made up…but not the missed prayers. Why this descrepancy? Both are pillars of islam…both are enjoined on all believing muslims…yet one is completely disregarded for muslim women on her menses and the other is stopped…and made up later. How has this become acceptable islamic practice when god mentions many many MANY times in the quran that prayer and fasting are a MUST at their prescribed times.

        Reply
        • Umm Reem says:

          Coolred,

          The laws of Islam are not derived only from Qur’an but from the ahadeeth also. Hence, though it does’t say anywhere in Qur’an to not fast/pray during menstruation, the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalm had ordered Muslim women to do so:

          ‘Aa’ishah said: “We used to menstruate at the time of the Messenger of Allaah, and we were commanded to make up the fasts, but we were not commanded to make up the prayers.” Agreed upon.
          The one who commanded them thus was the Prophet, sallallhu alihi wasalam. As he, sallallahu alihi wasalam said: “Is it not the case that when one of you menstruates, she does not pray or fast?…” (al-Bukhaari)

          Having said that, we do not believe that menstruation is a way of undermining Muslim women’s faith. Maryam (as), Khadeeja, Fatimah, Aisha (radiAllahhunna) all menstruated but all the men of our times put together cannot claim to have better/more iman than them…

          The reward of the good deeds is given equally to men and women without any discrimination. We are not allowed to pray during menstruation and inshaAllah we will be rewarded for submitting to Allah’s Will and obeying His orders. I take it as a Mercy from Allah.

          Reply
          • Coorled38 says:

            I dont expect everyone to agree all the time…not really my intention to change anyones mind. Im pointing out things and asking questions, but with the huge controversy surrounding hadith…I have no idea why you (any you) would accept hadith that clearly make something forbidden that god did not within the quran. This is similar to the stoning law…it is not in the quran while clearly stating that lashing is the punishment given…yet muslims accept the idea that stoning is the required punishment simply because hadith say so. You would think god would have managed to slip in an ayat or two declaring this horrible punishment in there somewhere. The same with fasting or praying while on her menses…why not actually put those words in there? If god can bother himself to mention no sex while on her menses…why not add a couple more words and say no fasting or praying either. Simple, direct, and no ambiguities or discussion or reliance on nonreliable hadith.

  10. AnonyMouse says:

    Coolred – the Qur’an instructs us to heed the Sunnah and Ahadeeth.

    “Wa atee’ Allaha wa atee’ ar-Rasool…” – And obey Allah, and obey the Messenger

    The words of the Messenger of Allah were not from his own desires, but were revelation (there’s an aayah for this as well).

    Over 1300 years of Islamic sciences and scholarships, from the science of Qur’anic aayat (e.g.those which were abrogated from recitation but not practice) to the sciences of hadith (authenticity of every chain of narration, evaluation of every narration’s legal implications, etc.) cannot just be thrown out the window and ignored or labelled “false.”

    Reply
    • AnonyMouse says:

      “Wa maa yantiqu ‘anil hawaa/ illaa wahyun yooha” – Surah an-Najm; He doesn’t speak from his own desires, but rather it is revelation.

      Coolred, before writing off the Sunnah and ahadeeth, please do your research! The skewed interpretations of ahadeeth do not warrant disregarding them entirely.

      Reply
      • Coorled38 says:

        I did not ever claim they should be disregarded completely…I merely said they could not forbid or require something unless the quran does as well. They are meant as back up…not replacement. If they are forbidding something which the quran does not…then they are a completely different set of rules and obligations contrary to the quran…they are not backing it up but rewriting or adding law where there was none.

        Reply
        • Coorled38 says:

          As far as not “speaking from his own desires…” the word used there is “revelations”…when the prophet was revealing ayats then he was in his prophet mode…so to speak and thus…not speaking his own words. However, when not in prophet mode (revealing revelation) the words coming from his mouth are his own. Regardless of whether he is explaining, directing, ordering, thinking out loud etc…those are his own words…not revelation. He might be referring to the quran while directing, ordering, thinking out loud etc, but still, his own words.

          hadith are other people hearing him, seeing him, hearing about him etc and thus, unless he is in his revealing revelation mode (prophet mode) then they are hearing his own words…seeing his own actions. If there is no forbidding of prayer or fasting in the quran for muslim women…and the prophet comes out and says it is forbidden (while he has no right to do so) then those are his own words, his own directives, his own rules…how can they be revelation when the quran is the revelation…hadith or sunnah are secondary sources that are meant to support the First and Only source of revelation…the Quran.

          Reply
          • Umm Reem says:

            Coolred,

            We’ve had this discussion on MM before, about the Authority of Sunnah/Hadeeth:

            http://muslimmatters.org/2008/03/03/authority-of-sunnah-hadithrevelation/

          • Coorled38 says: