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Il processo di diventare uomini

 

 

Essere maschio, essere virile, vuol dire avere il coraggio della lotta, saper combattere con forza, la forza non tanto di attaccare, quanto di resistere. Essere virile è fondamentalmente avere il coraggio di prendere su di sè i colpi per farsi scudo a difesa delle persone affidate. Essere uomo vuol dire essere pronto a dare la vita per la propria sposa e per la propria famiglia, o comunque per chi si prende in custodia, e poi anche per la propria missione fuori casa. Essere maschio, invece, non c’entra niente con la mascolinità volgarmente intesa: se la potenza sessuale è una realtà comunque positiva, il vero maschio è quello che questa forza sa controllarla, incanalarla e non disperderla”.

da “Sposala e muori per lei”   di Costanza Miriano

 

A volte si ha l’impressione di quanto nel contesto socio-culturale odierno  sia carente e quindi estremamente necessaria una sorta di  educazione affettiva e sentimentale declinata al maschile includendo i giovani ma anche uomini adulti che hanno già formato una loro famiglia o hanno comunque costruito una relazione stabile. Gli uomini in quanto maschi oggi vivono una notevole  crisi identitaria che trova radicamento nel contesto attuale di una “società senza padri”, una società che altri definiscono “liquida” senza veri punti di riferimento. E’ come se fosse venuto meno ogni riferimento simbolico che faceva da trama ai grandi ideali e a ciò che sosteneva dal di dentro e “dall’alto” il percorso identitario degli uomini e delle famiglie ponendo mete esigenti ed elevate. Tutto ciò è stato esautorato e confinato nell’ambito del sentimento soggettivo.

Questa immagine e le seguenti sono liberamente tratte dal film Will Hunting Genio Ribelle

E’ all’interno di questa educazione dei sentimenti, che si può anche intendere come percorso di autoconoscenza e di nuova scoperta di sé, di autentica maturazione verso valori virili adulti che includono il coraggio, la responsabilità, la capacità di donarsi, la testimonianza di un proprio “desiderio” da trasmettere alle nuove generazioni, la custodia e la protezione della vita fragile, e molti altri.. che si può intendere anche un aiuto specifico, particolarmente delicato e dedicato a chi in questo percorso si è smarrito o rischia di smarrirsi.

A  volte capita che il viaggio verso una virilità adulta, consapevole e matura sia da alcuni interrotto, in certi casi  addirittura all’inizio. Utilizzando una metafora è come se il “nostro” marinaio prima di salpare dalla riva si è sentito scaraventare dalle onde violente sulla battigia e dopo questo colpo non ha più trovato la forza di rialzarsi. Egli  continua a chiedersi come fare a ripartire con un vascello così precario.

Ci sono ad esempio maschi  che esperimentano pulsioni omosessuali indesiderate e che  spesso vogliono essere aiutati a ripercorrere il proprio percorso risalendo per così dire la corrente del loro fiume per capire e ritrovare il punto in cui le acque si sono fermate e impaludate. La loro descrizione in certi casi (la trama soggettiva è sicuramente unica per ogni persona e risulta pressochè impossibile generalizzare) disegna un fiume che invece di scorrere in una direzione auspicata ha preso un’altra via più tortuosa che può  assomigliare ad un torrente carsico che un po’ scorre sotto il livello del suolo e non si vede e poi riappare inaspettatamente alla superficie.

La domanda che a volte ci viene rivolta è: perché queste intermittenze? Perché il fiume del desiderio invece di correre a valle e sfociare nell’incontro con l’altro (eteros) si è come sentito risucchiare in un vortice che lo fissa al proprio simile?  E’ come se il fiume nel suo percorso verso valle avesse dato forma ad un lago dalle acque cristalline arrestando lì il suo fluire.  Forse è rimasto totalmente avvinto dalla fascinazione che provoca in lui la bellezza e la trasparenza dello specchio d’acqua. E’ qui che le immagini si riflettono e vengono restituite per poi ancora riflettersi e specchiarsi fino ad essere assorbite dentro la forza di attrazione di un vortice invisibile.

Il mito di Narciso ci  spinge ad interrogarci ulteriormente. Leggiamo nel racconto di Ovidio che il giovane Narciso è così attratto dalla bellezza della propria immagine riflessa nel torrente da non udire la voce della ninfa Eco che innamorata di lui lo chiama ininterrottamente. Effettivamente c’è qualcosa che distrae così risolutamente Narciso al punto da   non permettergli di cogliere la bellezza di Eco. Infatti il  desiderio per la fanciulla pare non accendersi in lui.

 

Volendo approfondire la questione ci si può chiedere cosa si cela dietro l’origine del desiderio (eros) e cos’è che lo fa scaturire   tra l’uomo e la donna o gli impedisce di accendersi tra di loro. Ma anche  cos’è che gli imprime  quel viraggio verso la propria immagine riflessa. Nel mito di Narciso si racconta che l’amore e la bellezza femminile che vengono  generosamente offerti al giovane dalla ninfa non riescono a distoglierlo dalla sua autocontemplazione e ciò non sarà per lui di buon auspicio ma lo consegnerà al suo destino fatale. Il mito infatti narra che Narciso innamorato dell’immagine che vede riflessa nell’acqua, non resiste al desiderio di abbracciarla e sprofonda in questo modo nell’acqua che da quel momento sarà la sua tomba.

Le ipotesi che in maniera semplicistica e sommaria  vogliono spiegare tutto con la genetica e l’innatismo appaiono riduttive o di comodo,  una facile scorciatoia per non esplorare quel “continente nuovo” del proprio processo maturativo di identificazione e sessuazione.   Lasciarci interrogare da tali questioni che intendiamo lasciare aperte ci appare più utile e proficuo. Lo facciamo consapevoli delle difficoltà e dei limiti a cui ci esponiamo ma anche spinti da quella onesta curiosità e da quella  ricerca che nasce dall’ascolto dei vissuti, delle storie e dei travagli  che le persone ci raccontano.

E’ nell’esplorazione del viaggio soggettivo verso il proprio personale diventare uomini adulti, soffermandoci anche su quelle che possono essere le soste forzate e gli smarrimenti  più o meno lunghi e tormentati, che vogliamo costruire la nostra riflessione.  Elaborare le nostre risposte potrà aprirci  forse  a scenari di conoscenza non banali ne pre-costiutiti ma nuovi e interessanti.

L’intenzione è di rivisitare questi percorsi facendoci sorprendere come da un fatto nuovo e non scontato, per certi versi  imprevisto, dalla stimolante avventura  di questo processo che è il  diventare uomini. Ciò senza voler escludere  la considerazione degli aspetti simbolici e anche spirituali  che questo implica.

Si tratta infatti di voler  riscoprire soggettivamente il proprio dono nell’essere maschi,  riaffermando come un vero valore e come missione e compito la propria insostituibile virilità. E ciò in un mondo in cui di questo termine si fa solo la caricatura spesso accentuandone i difetti o gli aspetti deteriori e negativi e in cui si esalta invece l’aspetto neutrale, androgino, democratico e liberal, quello delle pari opportunità, delle sigle LGBT, del politicamente corretto.

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